How I Got My Homelab | Homelab Diary #1

 My Homelab Experience

 

 As of a little over a month ago, I acquired a free Dell Inspiron 3647. This Desktop was made when Windows 7 was still the newest Microsoft release. I was just scrolling by, and got a notification from Freebie Alerts (seriously go check them out),   and it was a free computer. Immediately, I was on that ass. 

 When I happen upon the post, the people posting it had NO idea what they had. It didn't really matter, I'd take anything anyway. So I hop on my alt for the facebook marketplace, and I contact them. They get back to me rather quickly, and I appreciated it. But there was one catch, they lived in THAT apartment complex. The one you don't want to go to. 

 Immediately, I decide to call my chuddy Robert. Robert has cleaned up his life, but as a kid, he spent time in and out of Juvy. I was counting on him being free, and also a jobless jig. And he also has a handgun. So I called him, and I got unlucky. Robert had work. Robert didn't know how significant this was, but he did bid me good luck.  

I think, and then I immediately call Noah, "NOAH", I exclaimed. "There's a FREE PC on the marketplace and it's in [COMPLEX NAME], I NEED backup, pretty please?" Noah obviously understands why this is such a big deal to me. But, nonetheless, he could not help me. Fuck. Well, I guess if I die, then I die. 

Unfortunately, I wasn't willing to wait for backup from 20 minutes away. I only had so much time before someone offered $20 as well as a speedy pickup, undermining me. So I give them my number, they give me the address, and I start on my journey. On the way out, I tell my mom "I'm going to [ADDRESS], if I'm not back within an hour, call the cops." She brushed it off, like it wasn't shit. She usually is this retarded. 

 So, I hop in the shitbox. The 2000 Toyota shitbox carries my fat ass all the way across town, through two school zones, and to the monkey yard apartment complex. When I exit the vehicle, I stand beside it, and wait. Texting my new friend "I'm here". Whilst I wait for a response, I can hear the black residents using their banana brains to listen to rap "music". Suddenly, I'm alerted to the unit at the far end of the building I'm in front of. 

It is them. She's a very tall, overweight woman. Maybe in her 40s. She has to be nearly 6 feet tall, and at minimum 370 pounds. This woman is HUGE. All of you know I like to fuck fat chicks, but this is one that I would NOT touch with even a negro dick.  She has a raspy voice, like the woman who tried to sell Luanne's house in the original KOTH run. That one who sounded like Bobby, but she was the blonde woman. It's in Redneck on Rainy Street. 

So, I approach this behemoth, and I'm not INTIMIDATED immediately, but I'm still on high alert. She has EVERYTHING in her hands as she comes down the small path slowly to greet me further. Including a plastic walmart bag, filled with the mouse, and keyboard. The monitor, and the desktop tower itself. These are ALL being carried simultaneously, which is obviously not the most efficient method. Once I noticed, I began to wonder if she'd pull a weapon after my hands were occupied with the items. 

Luckily, she did not. I gently put the monitor down, took the bag, and took the tower under my left arm. I left my windows down so that I could place any big items in the car quickly, without having to have an arm, or a hand free. Whilst we fiddle with transferring the items between us, I asked her "so what's the history behind this computer?" I don't think she thought I'd ask her questions. But she told me that she'd purchased it for her husband some years ago, and that he never used it much. But it was used. 

Immediately, I was worried, because I'd now known that whatever was on the hard drive, was STILL on there, and now in MY possession. These people weren't tech savy enough to format it, I can smell their apartment from here. (Which was at least 11 paces away) I knew immediately I had lots of work to do, and there was a mysterious smell emanating from the tower itself. Against my disgust, I take the tower, and I promptly leave. 

 When I get back, I carefully wipe down the monitor, mouse, keyboard, and tower with alcohol wipes. I didn't even want these things to touch my counters, so I did it on a deep freezer, and the floor. But, I got the job done. Eventually, I take the collection of items back to my room at the end of the hallway.  I knew that I'd have to do an inspection of the contents of the drive before I could proceed. So, I did. I boot into Windows 7, which surprised me. I could hear the sounds, see the menu, and it was a true blast from the past. 

This is of course AFTER I found out that the HDMI was fucky, so I had to go ahead and use the VGA port to see video. God help you if you ever have to screw those things in, FUCK that shit. Fuck it to hell. Fuck you VGA, I'm happy HDMI replaced you.  

 I go through the contents, find like 20 user generated files period, and then I move on. I quickly shut the machine down, do research on Linux based server images, and get Ubuntu. I only got Ubuntu for Gparted, I boot in, and delete the windows partition entirely. No care. I shut the machine down, flash Xubuntu on there (you don't want a desktop environment taking up valuable server resource), and then install it on to the new computer. 

Seeing as I use Linux daily, I'm already ok at navigating the terminals, and system, all from the command line. So no Desktop Environment was completely ok to me, although Xubuntu does have the option to toggle it, if worst comes to worst, and I need someone to access it for me manually on site. 

 NOW, a home media server is WHAT exactly without any media? Nothing, worthless. This wasn't going to JUST be a media server, but that's purpose #1. A server I can watch my annual tradition media on. Such as V For Vendetta on 11/05/XXXX. And the SpongeBob episode "Christmas Who?". Well, we went through a painstakingly long process of combing through page after page of public domain movies, nothing was good. And so I turned to the easier approach to populating. 

Now, I have half of the 500 GB HDD full of media, music, books, movies, etc. And even some new archival stuff which I just put on there. I'm ready to start home labbing for real, and this is the start. I'm running Jellyfin, doing SSH keys, doing Ersatz TV for MY OWN TV CHANNEL CABLE NETWORK IN MY HOUSE, I'm seeing the beauty. And NO ONE can take it away from me. Not Netflix, not Hulu, not Paramount fuck your mother plus, NO ONE. You'll have to come take this out of my cold, dead hands. 

 Start your own homelab, goyim.